Pick up artist online dating
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The one-night stands seemed like a pattern of behavior — which, as his girlfriend, I would want more information on — so I asked him about it directly.
A bit embarrassed but nevertheless willingly, Andy* told me straight-up that he and his close group of guy friends used to use pickup artist “tricks” to bring home women. Admitting that he’d engaged in pickup artistry was a red flag regarding his behavior around women.
He held two masters’ degrees, loved museums, art and music, kept up with international news, and had traveled the world.
He wasn’t a “basement troll” in the slightest: he was handsome, doted on his pet cat and his nieces and, as a boyfriend to me, could be very romantic and sweet.
After all, I regularly receive online dating messages like this: Though I haven't seen that one on pickup artist forums, I have a feeling it's a classic example of "negging"—the pickup artist technique of saying something unkind about a woman so that she'll seek validation from you.
But here's the thing: These messages should upset me—and they should upset everyone.
Dating apps have made this kind of harassment so commonplace that we barely notice it—and not just because of the apps' anonymity.
Creepy pickup lines existed long before Tinder—even the "Apocalypse Opener" is just a variation of a line some men were already using in bars or street corners.
But the honest truth is that Andy* was intelligent, witty, good-looking and funny — the complete opposite of the basement dwelling loser that some other feminist bloggers would have you believe all PUAs to be.